Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
