New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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