should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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