Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
