Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Say something about gay babies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
