i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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