If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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