no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
