i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This house was built for laser tag.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
