is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
