I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
BRING THE BAGELS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
