So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
