Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
