did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
