but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize