she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
