ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
