We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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