Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you would pick up someone in the library
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
