He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize