My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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