If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
