i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
