So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize