i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
