insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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