I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
