My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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