I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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