Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
