hotel room ftw
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
