that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have feelings that need drinking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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