My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
