Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
