what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
