what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
