you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am naked and annoyed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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