I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
