You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
