you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just pynch a tree in the face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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