she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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