Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
