I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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