My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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