They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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