I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
