Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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