Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
