I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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