All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize