I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
