is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
