I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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