You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
