but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
