TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
