im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
