OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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