I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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