I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
