Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
