Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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