You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
