Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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