bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
