I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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