I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
40s are totally the cure
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
