She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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