Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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