with your own penis?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
