...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
