I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
