well you can't waste a boner
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
