so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
