Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
