I'm so fucking centered right now
I am spending my child support on dildos
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
