i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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