Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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