He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
