are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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