I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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