if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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