I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
