i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
