fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
