I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
