I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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