Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
