I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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