All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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